I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
