You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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