I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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