She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
