TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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