you guys were way drunker than both of me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
