that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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