Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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