I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
