Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
