its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
