I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
