I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
