very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
