Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
