if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
