when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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