We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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