life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
