you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
