can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
