I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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