Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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