Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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