Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
