i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
