it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
