You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
