What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dick very happy bro
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
