someone threw a dead crab at me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
