turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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