I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My dick has a subreddit
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
