Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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