had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
