You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
