His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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