im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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