Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
