The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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