Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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