i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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