i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
