Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
