that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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