I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
