Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
