dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
