he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
