Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
