I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
