girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
