i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
