I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
