I wanna bring you to show and tell
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
