I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
