I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
