There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
