I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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